Social Media Problems 🤳🏼📱🧿

Giving up social media was such a relief in my life. I didn’t realize how much baggage comes with these apps. I gave up social media for Lent and focused on my blog & Poshmark. I chose to let go of the rest because I started to notice that I mindlessly go on Facebook & Instagram multiple times a day, I literally can’t remember what I looked at. The habit was getting bad and I didn’t feel any control.

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I gave it up cold turkey, but told myself I could go back on for Saint Patrick’s day because how could I miss a holiday via social media? When the day came, I didn’t feel the need to sign-in, so I stayed off.

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Social media is an outlet for everyone. It just depends on which outlet the individual needs. For me, I get my celebrity gossip or updates, fashion inspiration, & live vicariously through my newsfeed via Instagram. I’m like every ordinary 30-something woman (very early 30’s I would like to add) I like to show off my latest outfit (#ootd) and popping bottles on the weekend also known as brunch.

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But what else do I get from it?

– Connecting to people without seeing them. My love language is quality time, maybe connecting this way isn’t beneficial for me.

-FOMO: Fear of missing out. Anytime a friend posts something fun and I’m not doing it, I get a sense of missing out.

– Unrealistic expectations: Everyone is showing themselves living their best lives. So when scrolling through your feed it’s only natural to compare your life to others. We all know that, what we show on social media is a certain version of our lives. It’s not all rainbows and butterflies all the time. My dogs don’t pose in matching bandanas all day, they make my house a mess and drive me crazy sometimes. But I don’t show that.

-I also can’t wear an outfit twice for a picture because apparently that’s a rule on social media that most women abide by. 🤦🏻‍♀️

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I’m also wasting time on social media when I can be interacting with people around me. I think that’s the biggest one. Get off your phone and talk to people, stop posting about your life being fabulous and start being fabulous.

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So the day came, for me to log back in and it was such a let down. I didn’t feel the high I normally got from checking and updating myself with other people’s lives. I was actually bored and unsatisfied.

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During the time of my social media blackout, I gravitated towards reaching out to people more. I didn’t realize that I did this while doing it, but that’s what the blackout did for me. I didn’t have a feed to keep updates on my family and friends. So I pulled a 90’s/early 2000’s style way of communicating and actually talked to people more in my life.

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Above: Shows the negative side effects that our phones and technology do to us.

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Below: Gives an overview of how many people are on each social media platform and how often we log-in.

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Social media means and does a lot of different things to everyone. Taking a step back, made me realize how glued to my phone I was and how unhealthy that habit made me feel. I don’t hate social media, but I definitely will not spend the time I previously gave to that habit. I have decided that I will get rid of the main social media outlets that I use because I don’t need them anymore. I may chose to upload them again, but right now that’s the direction I am going.

A🖤🧿

Body Shaming…Me??? ✊🏼

Since we are in an era of women empowerment just as we were in the 90’s, as the Spice Girls would say, “Girl power!” My topic of discussion is body shaming.

I am a thin woman, was a thin girl, and a thin child. I have been thin my entire life. I can eat whatever I want and not gain a pound. My entire life, I have had to defend my weight. If you are skinny apparently it’s appropriate to comment on my thinness and imply that I must have an eating disorder or barely eat. Just a FYI, I normally eat just as much as my husband every meal we have together. But I shouldn’t have to explain myself anyways. This is body shaming. It’s not okay to make anyone feel insecure about the shape of their body. Skinny, curvy, fat, stocky, etc.

For some reason it’s socially acceptable to comment on women who are skinny versus fat. I don’t go up to an overweight person and tell them to put those fries down just as you shouldn’t go up to me and tell me to finish those fries.

Are women being empowered or are we only empowering certain types of women?

From my life experience, individuals who have done this to me are unhappy with themselves. So I don’t get as offended as much as I used to because the person is showcasing who they are as a person with their words. How people talk or what they talk about reflects them as a person. The words are a reflection of them and not the words that are being thrown in your direction.

Here’s a PSA for you all: Think before you speak. You never know how hurtful words can be and how long they will stick around in someone’s mind or cling on to an already insecure thought someone may have about themselves.

A🖤

If it doesn’t make you feel good- Drop it.

As aging begins, so do wrinkles and early nights, yet it also brings wisdom & clarity. I think one of the biggest life lessons that I have learned to date is the lesson of getting rid of anything that doesn’t make me feel good. Now ladies, I don’t mean every time your partner makes you feel anything but happy to ship them off to Timbuktu. I mean any relationships in your life that consistently have the same ingredients for disaster and you continuously keep them in your life for… loyalty, social purposes, or convenience??? Does any of this sound familiar?

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We all have relationships in our lives that have ups & downs and that is life. We have arguments with these people and apologize and forgive. Hopefully we learn from these mistakes and try our best not to repeat it. We keep these people in our lives.

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A guilty pleasure of mine to watch is the Housewives saga on Bravo. As I am getting older, some of these fights are getting old and tiring to even watch, but maybe if someone watched my life they would feel the same way. I am currently watching Beverly Hills and New York and they both have the same trend. Some of the friendships are at high levels of conflict because two adults cannot be accountable for their actions in the situation. The same fight will arise throughout the entire season, and I thought to myself what for? It’s hard to look within sometimes and say I’m wrong. To see that your actions or words have caused harm to a situation and you can’t accept that you aren’t perfect and make mistakes. As I’ve had disagreements, confrontation, and sometimes resolutions with people- the bottom line is that people want to be heard and validated, normally with an apology. But very seldom do I see people take accountability.

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As I commute to work my mind normally wanders to things going on in my life. I just realized there are three consistent relationship stressors that come up on a weekly basis. Three different relationships that tend to be the forefront of worry. Now, how do I resolve this? Are these relationships worth repair? Do I think it’s possible to mend the holes in the relationship? Not only do I have to be open to take fault but the other person would be. Sometimes in life, you learn to accept people for who they are and what they are capable of giving. Maybe conversations with these people would help and alleviate the strain, or it would cause us to go our separate ways. That is an individual journey that only I can figure out. I do know that I keep these people at bay and try to have limited contact with them. Most interactions with them make me leave feeling yucky inside.

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Negative relationships like this can cause high stress in your life. I have learned to weed out the toxicity and put boundaries on relationships to alleviate pressure in my life. As we progress to different stages in life we evolve time and time again. Sometimes with this change, we see people differently from how we saw them before. Maybe we were more naive and didn’t realize the manipulation, or couldn’t fathom cutting out family who are toxic, or ignoring a friendship that constantly depletes but you want to continue the friendship even though it’s not healthy.

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Life is short and I don’t put myself in situations with people who have or will cause me any turmoil. I will no longer sacrifice my mental health to play nice or take the high road around anyone for anyone. These are my boundaries in life.

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At some point you will need to sit down and reflect about keeping someone in your life. It’s an individual journey that can’t be decided by outside influences. But for every action is a reaction from someone in your life, so be prepared to be content with your decision and be true to you.

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As Lauren Conrad once said, “All there is left to do is to forgive & forget. I want to forgive you, and I want to forget you.”

🖤A

Grief is just love with no place to go 🖤

Part 1:

It’s hard to think that I will not hear her laugh, strong opinions, or loving advice again. I admired everything about her. My grandparents were a focal point in my universe my entire life.

My nana left us at a time in my life that was even more devastating to my psyche. She passed 1 month before my wedding. A day that we always talked about her being at. A day that was supposed to be one of the best days of my life.

As she was declining, and I was facing the reality that she may not make it to the wedding. I asked her to be my bridesmaid and let her know we would be doing our ceremony at my grandparents home the next day if she was up for it. She had such a good day that Thursday, I was hoping she would continue the next day. Unfortunately, that next day she didn’t have the energy to do anything. I saw her hours before and I told her to not push herself because I saw her wanting do so, but I knew it was too much for her. I was devastated that things unraveled so quickly after that moment.

Everything was a blur during this time frame. Her passing, the funeral, our wedding. I didn’t feel anything at first and then would feel every inch of pain in waves. Our wedding day came and the entire day I felt that I was missing a bridesmaid or a flower girl. Right before I walked down the aisle, I realized I wasn’t missing any of those people. I was missing her. A person that I normally look after whenever I am with her. That was a hard realization to have that day.

On the honeymoon- my grief really exploded into the Maui waves. Grieving for my nana turned into grieving for both of my grandparents. It’s a grief that I have never experienced before and it continues today. I realized that I have tried to grieve alone these past 7 months. Only letting certain people in to see glimpses of my pain because I rather cry alone in my shower or in my car. My independence has in a way hindered my grieving, and I am now realizing that. I am so used to taking care of everyone else that I do not feel comfortable having that support reversed. I have tried to walk this journey alone and I know it’s time for me to let go and embrace support the best I can.

Death changes people. It changes family dynamics. It changes life. It changes you to the core of who you are and you’ll never be the same. A piece of your heart was taken, and yes you can rebuild around it, but it will never be the same. It will evolve to your new normal though and you will learn to cope with the loss. It just might take a little longer than you would like.

People who haven’t lost someone close to them will not understand these words or the message. My grandparents were extended versions of my parents. I am grieving a lifetime of happiness that they brought into my life. I am grieving missed phone calls, happy hours, & advice that I yearn for everyday.

Are you living or just existing?

I have come to a point in my life where this notion of just existing in a world where I should be living has come very true to my reality. As adults, we work at least 40 hours a week, run errands, clean our houses, laundry, home repairs, grocery shop, we are maintaining our houses, kids and meal prepping for our work week. Where is the fun and excitement inserted into our weekly, monthly, yearly lives? Maybe a big vacation you plan out once a year? Five blissful days that you wait 365 days for every year? What are we doing to revitalize our souls?

The hustle and bustle of the day to day sometimes seems like I cannot keep up with it. My husband and I have made a promise to each other to live our lives. Work hard to play hard. Our work schedules are chaotic & constantly conflict with each other and the time we have together we need to do things that recharge our souls. We took a trip to THE wine country, & I didn’t realize how much of a break I needed from our everyday routine. It was just 24 hours and I was revived and energized. Taking a step out and exploring the beautiful scenery made me feel alive. It made me appreciate nature and take it all in. The wine didn’t hurt either 😉

Wine country 🍷

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Another way that I have integrated active living into my life is church. It is good for my soul, and I have thought about going to bible study as well. Seeing friends and family, fills my love tank. Doing activities with them makes me feel rejuvenated. Recently, I have reached out to friends that I haven’t spoken to for awhile and catching up has been a gratifying feeling. Sometimes life gets in the way of staying connected to everyone, but it’s nice to know those people are and will be a call away.

As adults, our careers are a huge part of our lives. We are at work more than we are at home. Hating our jobs can make us dread life. We all had dreams about what we wanted to be when we grew up, are you that? My cousin Justin is currently following his and opening up a business this May in Boise, Idaho. His company MuvzU, connects homeowners (or buyers) to trusted local home service professionals in their area in the simplest way. It takes a lot of guts to put everything out there and take a leap of faith.

So what makes you fulfilled in life? What makes you content in life? Are you doing these things on a daily, weekly, monthly, or yearly basis? Can you incorporate these things on a more consistent basis? Are you in a career that you love? These are all questions that I have been asking myself. You should start asking yourself these questions as well. Wake up & smell the roses as they say.

A 🖤