Type 1 diabetes is a mythical creature that has invaded my body and has changed my life forever. With that being said, I was diagnosed almost 4 years ago. Ironically, I was diagnosed in November which is Diabetes awareness month. Coming up on 4 years of this diagnosis, I had to make the unavoidable decision; to pump or not to pump? I have injected insulin since I became a diabetic, and have avoided using an insulin pump. The reason: diabetes is encompassed to every aspect of my life. I didn’t want it to make me look like I am a sick person on top of that. I don’t want it to ruin my style and have the pump be an accessory that ruins an outfit. It might seem petty, but this disease has taken away who I am piece by piece at times and fashion has been one of the last things that I can control in my life.

With that being said, this year I have vowed to myself that my health will be a priority and I will get my A1C to a 6, which I did. This was possible through getting the Dexcom and I have made the decision to get on an insulin pump, due to the health advantages.

I decided to journal my first days getting on the pump. So I could sort through how I felt about all the changes. I didn’t edit any of the content- this was me going through my cycle of acceptance.

10/14: First night with the pump on. I feel defeated, why keep trying to fight the inevitable? This is my fate. Just trying to stay as positive as I can. Tomorrow morning will be the real test: when I try on my clothes for work and try to style it into my life. 

10/15: I surprisingly didn’t have an issue sleeping last night with my pump. This morning I woke up positive about my new gadget. I hooked my pump to the side of my bra and you can’t see it because I’m layered in a sweater. I feel good about it. 
10/16: Today was bad. Changed my Dexcom including transmitter when hubby got home from work. Dexcom wouldn’t connect with pump. I text my tandem trainer and call tandem on the way to work. Which btw was filled with traffic and made me late to work. Tandem lady walks me through what to do, my tandem connects… peace. I get to work and notice it’s already disconnected. I wait. Wait almost 3 hours to call tandem again. Tandem rep thinks it’s my sensor from my dexcom- NOT. It was connecting to my app. Not the problem. I get off the phone defeated by this stupid machine. May not seem like a lot to you, but when diabetes is already hard to manage I have to problem shoot another problem- while at work doing the same thing. I try and put my pump with case back to the side of my bra- it won’t clip over it so I get super pissed and slam it even harder- damn thing breaks. I almost cry (PMS week) & realize I need to calm down before I break this pump. I fix the case and clip, regroup and handle business. I had to clip the pump onto my pant band, which I wasn’t trying to do. But fuck it I don’t have another option. I check it an hour later, it’s connected to my dexcom. The world has restored my faith. Day 3. 
10/17: Today has been a completely different day. No issues with my pump and also no wardrobe malfunctions due to it. I have to switch out my site thing tonight. I am not looking forward to it.

A🖤